How to date a Queen (3/3)

During the Awaken as Love festival I interviewed three inspiring brothers on their experiences of dating a Queen. In this series of 3 questions I talk with David Taurel, Steve aka Shiva, and Thomas.

What allies or resources helped you on your way to kingdom?

Expressing our king energy is a demanding path which requires practice — and allies.

It begins with myself, doing my work to manage my own energy and nervous system: daily practices of embodiment, breathing, meditation, five bodies mapping, cultivating self-love, connection to nature and spirit. David values rituals “such as sweat lodges each season, connecting to spiritual allies — they offer presence and support.”. Tools for inner work are abundant and depend on each person’s path. David recommends “Gestalt work, shadow work, archetypes- especially when sub-archetypes of the king are needed like the warrior-king, trickster-king, etc”.

A man needs other men around him. Thomas says: “I greatly benefited from being coached by a man, I felt so much masculine energy which I was afraid of previously. If you have challenges with your masculinity, seek out mentorship from a man that truly inspires you in his masculinity, truly embodies something that is magnetic to you, that you want to learn from”. If you develop a healthy mentor relationship with a good guide, he can take you far. David says “I’ve had many mentors, men, challengers. They give me really straight mirroring without complacency, like “hey man what is this part.. this you’re still keeping in the shadows..?” Super useful!”.

Men circles and groups are a precious resource for many. David is part of the mankind project, which is where he “started this journey of becoming a king, finding my mission, and being a man of integrity”. Steve Shiva also recommends “having a really strong council of men to which I can take my emotional turmoil and vulnerability. I only do processing with my woman which will help the relationship grow; she cannot become my mother. If she does, bam! The attraction is gone”. This is again a reminder to understand and be aware of feminine-masculine dynamics, and not dumping everything on your partner. As Steve Shiva says “the biggest thing is understanding yourself deeply, and owning your shit”. Take responsibility for yourself, so she knows she doesn’t have to heal you. She’s not your therapist.

Sexual mastery hands-on tools and coaching are important resources on this path. Thomas brings up this key aspect of Eros: “It’s important for men to work with sexual energy, to control our addiction to orgasm, and practice semen retention”. I personally have developed a greater feeling of sovereignty over my body and kingdom by getting out of the habit of releasing my life force energy just for the rush of ejaculation.

Relationships are the landscape in which we become queens and kings. David places the focus on “who’s living in my kingdom, who am I sharing energy with. Integrity is keeping my word, but it’s also the integral architecture of relationships that are alive and conducive to going deeper and deeper into my truth. I’m not playing solo, I’m playing as a king in service to something bigger. With people who are part of my landscape, their happiness and growth are mine too: when you thrive it’s a joy and pride for me too, I want to water your seeds with you”. My most precious ally on this path is my queen herself, nourishing me with love and showing me where I still harbor self-limiting patterns, treating me like a king, even in the moments where I may not treat myself as one.

I will end this list with journaling practice: I recommend this tool to every one as a daily practice. It gives me great awareness of my processes, blockages, needs, etc. Writing “morning pages” is a short-cut to my subconscious, I can deconstruct my stories and self-image, experiment playfully with various characters and masculine archetypes, be clear on my intentions and what I choose to project and embody, day by day.

I’m grateful to get to know brothers who are also on the journey of conscious masculinity and kingdom, and are also on the great adventure of dating tantric queens. Interviewing them for these posts has been inspiring, and it deepens our connection by allowing us to get real.

Recommended books:

- “Blue truth”, “Red knights”, “Dear lover”, and “The Way of the superior man” by David Deita.

- Taoist books on sexuality. There are many! Good place to start is Mantak Chia and Jolan Chang. Hands-on tools for Tantric lovemaking.

- “Iron John” by Robert Bly: masterpiece on the initiation into sacred masculinity and kingdom.

- “The Radiance Sutras” by L.Rinpoche: Divine wisdom of the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra, constant source of inspiration for the beauty of Shiva-Shakti union.