How to date a Tantric Queen (2/3)

A queen needs a powerful King: give examples of how you show her your power.

Powerful beings want to relate to other powerful beings. There is a distinction between power over someone or power with someone: a relationship is an ideal container to make this shift. As David says: “We are both fully in our sovereignty and in our personal power, and we have more power together.

How much I am seen depends on how much I am in my power, courageously with two feet on the ground. The more I am in that energy, the more I am comfortable being around a queen. As Thomas says: “What you both want is that the feminine be able to surrender. She knows perfectly how to lead, but with you she wants you to lead. The more comfortable I am as a pillar, the more she can be receptive and surrender.”

Showing our power does not always mean leading or showing strength, but can come from practices cultivating the connection to our selves and to our purpose, so we can remain centered and grounded. When she is emotionally overwhelmed I can play the role of the stable masculine pillar, container and ally. I’m not afraid of her emotions just as I’m not afraid of mine. Thomas says: “When we’re clear with ourselves it radiates out of us, so there’s no fear of looking someone in the eyes and showing myself, and there’s no need for her to affirm anything. So I show my power by being fully aligned.”

A king is not only light solar masculine energy. A queen needs to be met in all her parts, including her dark feminine, so we need to own and embody our dark masculine as well. David says: “I feel in my masculine power when I’m ravishing her, when I’m in the taking energy mode.” As Steve Shiva says: “I show my power by connecting to my dark masculine. For example if I’m driving and she tries to tell me how to drive, I say “thanks for trying to help, but I got this.”. If I react with “Hey! Don’t tell me what to do!” then I fell into my little boy. So it’s about showing my power in a calm way.”

If she is in her storm, I can use that as a practice to show this power: presence, awareness and compassion. I’m not doing anything, no problem solving, no negotiating: just offering your presence, with body language and simple words showing I’m fully there for her. Like David Deita suggests, say “I love you, and you’re safe”, or just “I’m here”.

Is there competition between you for who is most powerful in the relationship?

If your queen has a very developed masculine — which many tantric women do — you have to be ten steps ahead so she can trust and surrender to you. So does this turn into competition? Steve Shiva says: “Sometimes I need to get out of my masculine: if she decided to plan something, then great I’ll switch to my feminine and receive and follow her. But if she tries to do that all the time, then I’ll take opportunities to say “Baby turn off your phone, I know where we’re going, leave it to me”. Leading her, grabbing her hand, makes her feel safe”.

Many shivas share that when they started relating to a queen, often she had a more strongly developed masculine in regards to being driven to succeed as an entrepreneur or facilitator. The immature masculine may feel threatened by this and react defensively. There is a powerful shift to make here into healthy competition. As David says: “All the things we’re practicing together are not only fulfilling for us but also overflowing and creating something even more awesome. We support and feedback each other for co-creating spaces, so there’s a healthy competition into pushing each other up into creating higher quality containers and experiences, raising the bar together.”

First series: During the Awaken as Love festival this summer I interviewed three inspiring brothers on their experiences of dating a Queen. In this series of 3 questions I talk with David Taurel, Steve aka Shiva, and Thomas.