How to date a Tantric Queen (1/3)

How did you have to transform in order to date a tantric queen?

How do you recognize a queen? The queen is an aspect inherent to all feminine beings, but only few make the choice to express their queen energy. The queen is a powerful feminine archetype embodying sovereignty, grace, decisiveness, compassion and wisdom. A queen chooses to look at and own all her parts and takes responsibility for them. She decides her inner light, intuition and magic are strong and clear enough so that she stops looking for validation from others and simply shines, offering her gifts to the world. She has also learned to open to receive gifts and support from shivas, and embrace the natural polarity of shakti and shiva energies.

A queen is attuned and feels when men are centered, grounded, present; she can feel when we’re connected to our feelings and our power– and she can tell the moment we lose it. A queen is also on her journey of growth and healing but she’s reached the point where she’s not going to accept anything that’s not aligned with her queendom anymore: she knows what it feels like in her body to be with a king and she won’t settle for anything less than that. David says “The man that I want to be and the man that she wants to be with are the same: more present, powerful, in touch with feelings and spirit, able to connect. This is who I’ve been wanting to be anyway, long before meeting this queen. So if my shakti is a catalyst and an ally for me to embody these qualities, then there’s higher value in being together.”

The mirror a queen offers can be quite brutal, as she will show you relentlessly all the places where you still hide, still play small or shy, still need to shed light on and own. She will show you all your triggers, all your shadows, all the places you haven’t grown up yet — so you have to be ready for that. As Steve Shiva says “The feminine will test you: When she feels a man is in integrity, she’s just waiting for him to fuck up basically. The moment you are off she will nail you to the floor: she’s expecting a king and she will test you again and again because she needs to know that you can hold her in her full shakti expression.”

Most women are not used to having a man that can handle them in their full power. They’ve been told that they’re too much: that’s the core wound of the feminine. The feminine will point at places where you feel that you’re not good enough (the core wound of the masculine!) so you can rise in those places and know deep down that you are good enough. You don’t need her validation for that, but if you’re insecure about something she’ll find it.

Men can notice big shifts in the way the feminine relates to them when they focus on their inner work, their stance in the world and the energy they radiate. Attracting a queen starts with self-love and self-care: self-loving people attract self-loving people! We need to become a match to everything we desire in order to attract it. Thomas says “I started dating a beautiful highly feminine being, and she triggered all my unworthiness. Her beauty, radiance and her nourishing energy was something I simply felt unworthy of my whole life — and I know many men feel this unworthiness. During this relationship and after a dark night of the soul when it ended, I realized what had to change is I could not seek my self-worth through her. I had to find my own worth, claim my power in all my parts.”

When I met a shakti who was already fully on her journey of transformation and empowerment, who calls herself a queen proudly, owns her gifts, her shadows, her erotic power and the attention she receives — it shook me because I knew immediately I had to cut my bullshit of self-limiting stories and grow up fast in order to meet her on the level she was playing on and go on the journey with her. Her mirror showed me all the places where I still hide in my wounded & scared child and play shy. Instinctively when I met my shakti I knew I had to treat her like a queen, for a real queen will never settle for being treated as anything less. Trying to put her down to feel stronger would’ve been a fatal mistake! It takes courage to keep showing up in front of this radically honest mirror — it was rough sometimes for me to be shown all the places in which I still had to grow and step up. A queen demands nothing less than complete alignment and surrender, full love and devotion — and only by expressing my king energy am I able to complete this transformation and to handle her.

First series: During the Awaken as Love festival this summer I interviewed three inspiring brothers on their experiences of dating a Queen. In this series of 3 questions I talk with David Taurel, Steve aka Shiva, and Thomas.